Become a Better Dancer with Four Lessons From My Toddler
📸: Paige Cassaza, Love So Wild Photography
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’re probably accustomed to me sharing helpful tips to help you become a better dancer both on and off the stage based on what I’ve learned throughout my career. While my work as a Dance Educator and Career Mentor is deeply important to me, there’s one title in my life that trumps all of them - Mom. Being a mom to my two-year-old son Oliver is the most challenging, inspiring, and life-altering job I have ever had - and this is coming from a former professional dancer!
As a parent, I have a huge responsibility to raise Oliver to be a kind human with a strong internal compass. I expected this part of the job. What I didn’t expect is how much Oliver would be teaching me.
One thing that has struck me over and over again is the innate wonder Oliver has for the world. He proves to me that so many of the insecurities and fears we have are not instinctive but learned. He doesn’t care if he fails at something, or if he looks silly. He’s not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve. As I watched Oliver fearlessly play at the park the other day it struck me how so much of what I’m learning from him could be applied to the dancers in this community too.
Today I want to share with you four lessons Oliver has taught me that I hope will make an impact on you.
Adopt a growth mindset
We’ve been pretty big into basketball in our house this past month (you may have heard of a little tournament going on called March Madness 😉). Every time a player misses a shot Oliver says “Almost, try again!”.
For those of us with a stake in the game or a bracket to be busted, we’re so quick to get mad or annoyed when the players aren’t making their shots or our team is losing. Oliver doesn’t care about any of that - he just knows that if you don’t get it right the first time, you try again.
This is a concept toddlers apply constantly - learning to walk, learning to talk, learning to use a spoon, learning to ride a tricycle, learning to do pretty much everything. Oliver hasn’t been in this world for too long and he has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. He doesn’t expect to be great at something the first time he tries it. He does expect to be able to figure it out with repetition and practice. If you were a fly on the wall in our house, “try again” are two of the words you would hear most often.
Having a growth mindset (a term coined by Dr. Carol Dweck defined as the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others) is key to flourishing as a dancer. It is our natural state as babies, but at some point, we start to see challenges as a threat to our intelligence instead of a learning opportunity. So the next time you are trying to do something new or hard or uncomfortable, try picturing yourself as a two-year-old. Would that little person stop trying because they made a mistake? Or would they keep putting one foot in front of the other until they got it? I think you know the answer.
Prioritize rest
The other day Oliver wasn’t feeling very well. He climbed into his crib at 9:30 am and told us he was taking a nap (for reference, he usually naps around noon).
Let’s think about this for a second: how many of us would do the same thing if we weren’t feeling well? Most likely we would try to push through, telling ourselves to stop being lazy and get over it. We would curse our “weak” immune system and blame ourselves for getting sick.
We hear a lot about the importance of rest and self-care. And yet so many dancers still claim they don’t have time to prioritize themselves. If you don’t choose a time to rest your body will choose it for you. And I can almost guarantee it won’t be just for one afternoon or one class - the effects of running yourself into the ground tend to show up in big ways.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. We’re going for career longevity dancers. Setting yourself up with smart, sustainable habits as a young dancer is one of the smartest things you can do. So take a cue from Oliver - listen to your body and if it’s telling you to rest, rest!!
Celebrate small wins
Nothing can make me feel like a bigger rockstar than Oliver saying “Good job Mommy!”.
I finish my workout - “Good job Mommy!”
I make the bed - “Good job Mommy!”
I brush my teeth - “Good job Mommy!”
And the praise isn’t just external! Oliver is big into self-praise too. He makes sure to clap for himself when he cleans up his toys, when he takes a bow after his leaps in ballet class, when he finishes a puzzle, and especially when he learns something new.
To achieve our big goals, we need to celebrate small wins. If your goal is to do 32 fouettés, don’t wait until you reach the peak to celebrate. Applaud yourself when you do 1, 2, 3, 4, all the way up to 32. Recognizing how far you have come won’t make you complacent with where you are - it will build confidence in your ability to keep improving and give you the motivation to keep working toward the next small win.
Oliver is cheering for you, and so am I!
Know when to ask for help
Oliver is determined and headstrong as all get up. He loves a challenge and will repeat the same task hundreds of times until he has figured it out. One of his most used sentences is “Ollie got it!”. (Usually uttered when I’m trying to rush him out the door or speed along a task that he is capable of doing because of my impatience).
But you know what? He also knows his limits and when to ask for help.
If he gets stuck in a tricky situation, I hear “Mommy, help!” He’s not afraid to admit he needs a hand - something I can’t always say is true for myself.
Knowing when to ask for help takes self-awareness and mindfulness. It’s not a sign of weakness - it’s a sign of courage to reach out. We don’t want to appear needy or inconvenience someone, but let me tell you - most people LOVE being asked to help. It feels good to be needed! Plus, if you circle back to the first point you’ll remember that one of the key components to growth is help from others.
For dancers, this could mean asking a peer to go over choreography with you before rehearsal, asking your teacher to help you understand a correction by explaining it a different way, or even reaching out to a Dance Career Mentor for help achieving your career goals. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to speak up and tell someone when you need a hand!
Honestly, these four lessons are just the tip of the iceberg - I could write a book on this subject. The growth Oliver makes daily is astounding and I know that it is in large part due to his insatiable curiosity. We were all toddlers once and we all can access our instinct to learn without fear of judgment - it just may be buried under layers of perfectionism or insecurity.
When you’re presented with something difficult this coming week, I challenge you to ask yourself “What would Oliver do?”. I hope it inspires you to give yourself space to explore, rest, be vulnerable, celebrate, be silly and most of all give yourself grace.
I believe in you dancer and I know that if my toddler can do it, you can do it too.
Meet the Author
Caitlin Sloan is a Dance Educator and Career Mentor based in Madison, WI.
Caitlin received her Bachelor of Arts in Dance from Grand Valley State University and Graduate Certificate in Nonprofit Management from the University of Missouri.
She danced professionally for nine years with companies including Ballet Tucson and Missouri Contemporary Ballet (now Mareck Dance). Caitlin has taught at schools all over the Midwest, most notably serving as Director of The School of Missouri Contemporary Ballet and Youth Company Director for Central Indiana Dance Ensemble. She is currently on faculty at the School of Madison Ballet.
Caitlin founded The Brainy Ballerina® in 2019, a virtual resource providing support and guidance for aspiring ballet dancers. Follow @thebrainyballerina on Instagram for your daily dose of dance career guidance and inspiration.
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